13 Going on Thirty

My father has this interesting way of teaching us about life’s lessons. One of which is how you should never pity yourself because there will definitely be someone who is worse off than you (Dili ka luoy kay ang ubang tawo mas luoy pa sa imo!). Sounds a little evil no? But it has worked for us all the time everytime we start complaining about the littlest of things. 

When we were young(er), we would complain everytime we have fish for viand (Isda na sad ang sud-an?) You see, in the province if you have fish regularly in your meals, it means you are too poor to afford meat (nowadays, it’s the other way around). Of which my father would reply, “May gani nay sud-an, ang ubang tawo  way makaon!” (We should be lucky we have fish for viand, other people do not even have food to eat). That would always end the discussion on the family table.

One time, my younger sister complained about how ugly her feet were (pangit kaayo akong tiil Pa!). My father told her, “May gani nay tiil, katong usa ka babaye sa bukid, way kamot, tiil iyang gamiton sa tanan! (Good for you that you still have feet, there’s this woman in the farm who doesn’t have limbs and uses her feet to do everything!). And He would not grow tired of telling (and retelling) us about this woman he knows that uses her feet to wash clothes, tend to her sari-sari store and take care of her children. 

When we complain about commuting downtown instead of riding on his red pick-up when we are in the province, he would angrily reply, “May gani ang inyong problema kay kapoy ra, ang uban tawo wa ganiy pliti muadto sa syudad!” (Good for you that you only have to complain that you get tired when you commute, other people don’t even have money for fare!). When he does that, it really becomes the end of the story for us. I mean, how do you react to that anyway?

When we got older, we would tease each other about what our father would have to say about our complaints (unsa na pud kahay isulti ni Papa?). We would end up laughing as we mimic him.

So I’ve developed my own set of cure for my current rants. Here are some:

1.                 “There’s not so much to do (yet) in my new job so I’m getting bored na!”

You are just so lucky to even have (1) a stable job and (2) a job that you like without so much stress. Many people either don’t have a job or have one that they don’t enjoy!

2.                 “I don’t want to drive in Manila anymore!”

Other people don’t have something to drive and have to commute this rainy season with their heels and skirt, take that! Other people drive a manual transmission vehicle. Worse, like what my father would say can’t even go to work or school because they don’t have fare!

3.                 “I’ll be 30, and I’ m not married yet!”

Think about other people you know who are in abusive relationships where boyfriends/husbands don’t love their girlfriends/wives as they ought to. Either the boyfriend/husband is insensitive, not thoughtful, not demonstrative and even physically abusive. By the way, I thought you don’t want to have a poor husband?! Or are you just sour-graping? He,he,he.

4.                 “I’m fat! (except in the butt!)”

With your kind of appetite who eats anything and everything all the time, who doesn’t have any form of exercise at all (not even walking), sleeps as if you were Sleeping Beauty, you are just so lucky that you are not obese!

   

5.                 “I don’t have a good set of teeth!”

Inspite your imperfect yellowish teeth, you are just so lucky that you can still enjoy the taste of food to the fullest, which people with dentures cant anymore. He,he,he.

Bad no? Tsaka ang babaw ng mga concerns! “Mao ra na imung problema?” (That’s your only problem?!), my father would probably say.  How insensitive! But I’m not complaining either! Ha, ha, ha.

Have you had any rants lately? Let me see if you have your self-cure too!

Kaliwete - that is what my father sometimes refer me to, aside from “way lubot” or sapyot (“flat butt” in English; “walang pwet” in Tagalog).

“Walhon!” is what my sisters occasionally teases me when I couldn’t do things right (pun intended).

Yes, I’m the more unique of the two sides of the human species. I’m left-handed. A true blue left-handed. I do everything with my left. I eat with the spoon on the left, wear my pants left feet first, wear my watch on the left, do bunong braso (arm wrestling) with my left, read the papers backwards, etc.. And I share the billing with celebrities like Julie Roberts, Nicole Kidman and yes, including Ate Vi.

Being left-handed has several downsides. In high school and college, I had to struggle with right-handed armchairs that made writing much more difficult. I could certainly attribute that to why I didn’t do well in school. I wasn’t able to convince my parents with that though (he, he, he). Is that why I didn’t grow up having a good handwriting too? Ha!   

There are no scissors for left-handed (at least in the Philippines) that’s why I couldn’t cut anything straight. That left my two sisters (older and younger) to do all the cutting for me including covering my books while I was in school (ok fine, up until now!) Probably that’s the reason why I never got interested in craftmaking. Even sewing was difficult because I do running stitches backwards! If I start opening a can, I had to finish it all the way through. Otherwise, if I ask a right-handed to continue it for me, it would be difficult because I do it counterclockwise! I can’t dance well with a partner because it’s always automatic for me to put my left feet out first. Playing the guitar also looks awkward for me. So where did that theory about the left-handed being the more artistic come from huh? I’d like to refute that! But I can sing though. He, he, he.   

Just last Friday night when I arrived home, I panicked when I found out that while my closet was neatly organized and my clothes nicely folded by my sweet sister Nat, she had all my hangers in a different orientation – the hooks were facing left! I told her my left brain only recognizes that the hooks have to be facing right so my hands are starting to get epileptic when I got my clothes in the hanger. 

Trivia: Don’t you know that one way to distinguish a man’s shirt from a woman is to which side the buttons are located? For women, it has to be on the left, for men, on the right. And there’s even a story behind it about the man taking out his sword and putting on his shirt at the same time or something like that.  He, he, he. Plus the left is often associated with the “evil” one and so it is disrespectful to eat with a spoon on your left (hey, we didn’t choose to be like this!). There’s also a story behind that, I heard. Was Judas sitting on the left side of Jesus on the Last Supper too? Dan Brown, is that you again? He, he, he.

Anyway, while being a left-handed has its downside, there are also advantages to it. My former badminton coach said, my being left-handed is an advantage (aside from my height, he said), because my opponent will have more difficulty in approximating the trajectory of the incoming shuttlecock. But hey, how come I never saw that advantage in any of the games I played, Coach? (he, he, he).

I can hold hands with my special someone even when we’re both eating! Isn’t that sweet or what? Kissing doesn’t need to be difficult too, I guess. He,he,he.     

And what else… uhm… uhm… That’s it pancit?!!! Gosh, now I’m starting to think that there’s a worldwide conspiracy going on. We are actually left (no pun intended) at a disadvantage from the right-handed! Ha! But no! He,he,he.   

Anyway, last weekend I had the chance to think about most of the things I had on my left. And here’s what I discovered:   

1.                 I sleep on the left side of the bed (near my side table where my “Quiet Time” things are located) and I sleep facing left

2.                 My tables at my previous and current office were located on the left side of the room

3.                 The left side of my wallet contains all the “money” cards (atm and credit cards); the right side all my identification cards 

4.                 The left side of my rented flat is the bathroom (which I’m most meticulous about aside from the kitchen)

5.                 On the left side of my mirror/dresser is where I kept jewelry of value  and “everything for the face”, while on the right side are the cheap accessories and “everything for the body”

6.                 My left ear has a mole

7.                 I left Brad because I wasn’t ready to be a mom yet at that time so he’s now with Angelina (now that’s already my imagination working!)

Is it a case of where my “left” is, there my heart will be also? he, he, he.

So what makes you a “rightie”?